Life is never perfect, but sometimes I wish it gave me grapes instead of lemons

It has been five years since my concussion. Four years since I got cleared. During that year period I gained about 40 pounds. I was already at the peak weight I wanted to be at when I got my concussion, which according to the national average I was still a tad underweight, but having an obese mother my whole life, I liked it that way. But when you're restricted to basic yoga and slow walking as your daily exercise when you're used to burning 5000 calories a day, I guess your body takes advantage of it. For four years now I have been trying to lose weight. It was so easy before. Restrict my diet for a week or two and kick my ass into gear and work out till I died everyday and I was back at what weight I wanted with all my muscle mass that I deemed to be good for horseback riding. Now, I look at my body and I hate what I see. I hate my stomach, the way my hair curls, I hate the fact that I'm too lazy now to get out of bed in the morning to straighten my hair. I hate that I wear above a size 6 pants. I hate that my boobs are a D cup now instead of a B cup. I hate that my thunder thighs are now more thunderous, and I hate HATE that I have lost practically all my muscle in my thighs, stomach, and upper arms. I used to be so muscular, lean; so lean that the doctors used to tell me that if I didnt gain body fat, vs just the weight I was gaining, I wouldnt be able to have kids. I didn't care though, I just wanted to ride and run and do band. Nothing else mattered. Now, I have been fighting a losing battle with the 40 odd pounds I want to lose. The doctors say I should only lose 25 to 35 pounds, but I want my size 2 body back. But it seems my body fights me at every corner. When I push as hard as I want, my  heart murmur acts up, or I re-inure my knee, or I fall off jack and get sent to the hospital, putting my progress back even farther than it was before. I hate having to cut out everything that I love to eat and eat only salads and chicken every day of my life just to lose 5 pounds in 4 months. I have felt for a long time like something was wrong. What changed from then to now to make it so much harder to lose the weight I want to lose? I try my damnest and nothing happens. Not even a pound lost in a month when I am actually trying. So I FINALLY convinced a doctor to run my hormones, and it seems they are the key. I just hope that maybe, MAYBE my hormones being CRAZY out of whack is the reason that I am having such a hard time losing this weight. Time will tell I suppose.