Monday, April 29, 2013

Constant uphill battle

You know what sucks? Being on a college campus where everyone seems to be in love! I mean, literally  everyone, is in freaking love! And all the ones that are somewhat good for boyfriends are taken by other woman either back home or have already started dating their first year in college. Maybe I'm too strong willed for another guy, maybe I'm too "manly" as some of my girlfriends tell me. Then again, what guy would wanna come into my home life situation? My mother hates me, I dont know my father and am trying to find him, I am an independent student paying my way through college, or more like, borrowing my way through college. I want to get my Doctorate in Veterinary Medicine, and move to the mid north west of the united states and get my own horse ranch and tend the animals I love. I guess that is a lot to ask of some guys. And I keep telling myself that God has a special guy picked out just for me that will love what i love and i will love what he loves and we will complete each other, but its hard to think that when you look around campus and see everyone look so happy with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And i feel so far from God i just dont know what to do. I keep trying and trying to get close to him, but right now its such a struggle to even read my bible. I just feel so tired of fighting this fight alone. Fighting through college, fighting to find God, fighting with finances, fighting to just stay afloat in the chaotic world. When will i ever get to STOP fighting and just have peace for a little while in my life? I guess ill just go be the crazy horse lady in the woods and take care of them myself.

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