The futility in it all

Why do i feel like everything i do here is just in futility? I feel like nothing is ever good enough, that even though i study for 6-7 hours a day, i am getting no where. I now have to worry about all my classes being c's instead of a's like i was shooting for and i feel like there is nothing i can do to stop this situation from arsing. The anxiety rises more and more every day as i take quiz after quiz, test after test, with bad results, or worse results than i really wanted. I just don't know what to do anymore. This blog is the only thing i seem to be able to do well, this and explaining things to people that I'm studying. But i can explain away all day, but if i don't get the answer right on the tests and answer how my professors want me to then its all for futility. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong anymore. I just don't! I was an amazing student in high school, almost straight a's the whole way through with a few classes here and there that weren't a's. Then i went to community college and still did amazing! Got on the deans list 2 semesters in a row! Now how is it that i come here to GCC and I do the same tactics that i did before that worked, and they are failing me miserably? I am getting tutoring, i am talking to teachers, i am studying like i should (least how i think i should), and it just ISN'T working! I don't understand it! Honestly at this point if i get b's in everything and a C in Ochem ill be the happiest person alive! I dont even care anymore if other's will be disappointed, ill make up for the qpa in the next few semesters, just PLEASE God! I need b's! I NEED b's! I don't know what else to do but the beg and plead! I am even getting points back from teachers and doing all the extra credit, doing study group sessions, and not going to a lot of my extra curricular activities! Nothing is working and i don't know why and I'm just about ready to give up! I feel like I'm going to explode all the time, i am never peaceful, and i always have too much work to catch up on, even when I'm ahead of schedule. I just cant life today! I don't know what else i can do anymore. This just isn't working! I want to be a Vet with every fiber of my being and i want to achieve and do the great things that you have called me for God, but how can i do that when i cant figure out what I'm doing wrong?

Generation Y

I HATE my generation! Legit! We are full of hypocritical, stupid, self absorbed idiots! I am an independent student, supporting myself through college, and a lot of my generation just lives off of mommy and daddy's money. They dont struggle at all, they dont have their own opinions about things, and they dont stand up for what is right. A lot of kids in my generation dont even know how to conduct themselves in an interview for a job! Market yourself people! It's not hard I promise!
So lets start with that issue. With my generation, we are the ones who grew up on computers. We learned from the beginning of the internet how it worked, what made it tick, and we remember consoles that were bigger than the computer screen. But with this came a lot of problems that no one really thought about. We cant talk face to face. It gives us anxiety. Phones and the internet have made anything and everything accessible to us. Making my generation think that they know everything about everything. Also making it impossible for them to understand the concept of talking to people face to face or even on a cell phone call. What ever happened to looking your best for a job interview and presenting yourself in a professional manner? Maybe i'm just good at it because i have my own business in the music world and HAVE to be professional. But GOSH DANG people! It's not that hard i promise! Dress your best, do your hair, make-up, and talk like the grown up adult you are!
Now lets talk about THAT issue. If i have to pick a "theme" for my generation i would have to say that my generation says YOLO all the freaking time! No dip sherlock! We all live once! That doesnt mean that you get to go around acting like an immature idiot because you want to "enjoy life"! NO! Go make something of yourself and give something to the community! Stop going around getting drunk off your rear end, having sex with everything with two legs, making babies at 16, and ruining your bodies, reputations, and careers! You want people to treat you like an adult when you act like a 5 year old who just suddenly realized they are an adult and can do whatever they want! I'm pretty sure your parents raised you better than that!
What also bothers me is how my generation is so scared of wedlock! Back in the day if you divorced someone you now had a bad reputation! Now its the freaking norm! New flash to you people, love is NOT what you think it is. Sure at first love is magical and fun and all lovey dovey. But after a while you have to work at it. You cant just give up on the person because they pissed you off! You have to work through your problems with that person and figure out how to make it work. If you cant do that then you never truly loved the person in the first place anyway. ALSO love is NOT all about sex! Actually giving yourself to someone BEFORE marriage is a bad idea! Sex is the most intimate thing you can give to someone, and if they break your heart outside marriage there is nothing, NOTHING you can do about it! Just wait people. Its not hard i promise! Put a lock on that crap and control yourself!
Also, thinking. My generation have NO self thought ideas. They get all their opinions from politics, tv, or their parents. Start thinking independently for once and make your own choices based on what YOU believe! Stop letting every tom dick and harry make decisions for you! Look at what you believe, look at what you think is right and make your decisions based on that!
Come on Y generation! Stand up and do something important and impact-ful in your life! Stop just going with the flow and YOLOing. You look stupid and pathetic! Grow up!

What the heck

Legit, I just dont understand anymore. How is it that I love science, want to be a vet major, and cant understand anything that comes out of this mans mouth. I study all week for an exam and THIS is all I get? I just dont understand! My life is over! Once I get a C my GPA is going to be terrible, and Ill never get into med school, and ill not become who i feel i am supposed to be! This is bad....how am i going to be a bio major when i cant even get a B in a class that is my major... Maybe im not cut out for this and i should just go work at Target for the rest of my life and pay off my loans....God you better show me what i have to do to get better grades next year or im never going to get to vet school.....

Constant uphill battle

You know what sucks? Being on a college campus where everyone seems to be in love! I mean, literally  everyone, is in freaking love! And all the ones that are somewhat good for boyfriends are taken by other woman either back home or have already started dating their first year in college. Maybe I'm too strong willed for another guy, maybe I'm too "manly" as some of my girlfriends tell me. Then again, what guy would wanna come into my home life situation? My mother hates me, I dont know my father and am trying to find him, I am an independent student paying my way through college, or more like, borrowing my way through college. I want to get my Doctorate in Veterinary Medicine, and move to the mid north west of the united states and get my own horse ranch and tend the animals I love. I guess that is a lot to ask of some guys. And I keep telling myself that God has a special guy picked out just for me that will love what i love and i will love what he loves and we will complete each other, but its hard to think that when you look around campus and see everyone look so happy with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And i feel so far from God i just dont know what to do. I keep trying and trying to get close to him, but right now its such a struggle to even read my bible. I just feel so tired of fighting this fight alone. Fighting through college, fighting to find God, fighting with finances, fighting to just stay afloat in the chaotic world. When will i ever get to STOP fighting and just have peace for a little while in my life? I guess ill just go be the crazy horse lady in the woods and take care of them myself.

Good News

Finally some good news in the news! One of the people who were the bombers in Boston were caught. I just hope that the plan of using this as a way to pass firearm laws is true of the government. In other news, while we were distracted, congress passed a law that makes it possible for them to do insider trade without being held responsible by the american people. Oh government....when will you turn around and become what you used to be and what this country needs?

Our hearts go out to Boston...but what does that fix?

So another tragedy has happened in this nation. Another moment where we are shaken to our core and people are now saying that we are a "Country United". But you know what is sad? How fast news casters and social media jump all over the tragedy. Now I know you might be thinking "But they are being supportive", however, there is a way to be supportive that isnt posting about it on facebook 2 seconds after it happened. The news broadcasters were asking people to call in and tell their story. How many different interpretations are you going to get from people who just came out of a war zone? Not many. Some are probably dealing with the death of their loved ones. Some are in hospitals, and some...well some are probably still in shock from the tragedy to even speak. You are broadcasting live a half hour, HALF HOUR after the bombing happened. You cant expect them to be ok to talk about their experience that soon. And people that post things about the bombing in pictures or memes on social media also disgusts me. I just dont understand. I know that this generation is called the "Me" generation and that if it doesnt involve you in some way than you dont feel good about yourself, but seriously? Does posting a picture of a tragedy make you feel that good? Wait until the whole story has unfolded and you have heard what truly happened before go posting things on facebook. I waited a whole 24 hours (isnt that amazing? Not really!), to post a picture of the bombing. And im not talking about articles or news broadcasts, i'm talking memes, pictures, saying, and judgmental images. Another point, is that new broadcasters put too much opinion into it. Please just state the facts and only the facts so help you God. That is your JOB. To tell ME the facts of what is going on across the nation, not for me to hear your stupid opinions. I could care less about them. Pray for the people, do something to help, start a fund by saving change to send to someone who was affected. Write a letter to one of the victims, do something PRODUCTIVE to HELP the people instead of making it all about yourself. Our generation needs to stand up as one front, help others, and become stronger from the deck we have been given as a generation. Not hide behind social media and computers like most of us do. And yes you will say "Well you're writing on a blog about this! What are YOU doing that's better than us?" Honestly? I don't know what to do. My heart goes out to these people. This was not their battle to fight and they were innocent by standers that should have never been effected. I am praying for those people who lost loved ones, are fighting for their life, and are recovering from the trauma. THAT is what i am doing. It may not be much, but that is really all i can do at this point.
Another thing that really bothers me is the fact that even though this happened to our nation, tomorrow we will continue on our lives, worry about gun laws, the job market, gay marriage, and things that seemingly don't matter. Oh sure, some of those things i have very strong viewpoints on. But this was just another blow from another terrorist who we are going to have to fight against now. Yet another thing to add to our rising debt margin and money spending. I am not going to talk about any of that here, but i will say this.
This country is broken. Irreversibly and unfix-ably broken. We were once a great nation that stood up for democracy for all, Christian values, and a united nation. Our people have become so enthralled with celebrities, politics, parties, and agenda's to even care about how to fix any of them. All we do is fight with each other and that sickens me! America was supposed to be built on people working together to find solutions for the greater good. Voting for people who represented where we wanted our country to go, not on what party they are from or how pretty their words are. This country was supposed to be a strong, independent nation, not one that is dependent on foreign nations because we owe them so much money that they can claim our independence at any second. Instead we banter with each other, get a kick out of celebrities doing bad things, listen to music that is so morally wrong its despicable, watch republicans and democrats make decisions for us that most of us are not happy with, but dont do anything about it! How can a nation go through what we have gone through in our distant past, near past, and present, and not be united as a nation against the Tyranny of Communism and Terrorism? We are too concerned with "me me me" to look at anothers view point and find a compromise. We are too busy in our own lives to really sit down and look at where a candidate stands on important issues before voting and just vote for our party, because ya know thats the most important thing in life. We have embraced the idea of Communism with nationalized healthcare, and have let our Presidents rule us like kings. Honestly  That scares me to my britches. I pray to God that this country finds it's way before its too late.The picture i started this blog post with said "United we stand" but are we really?
Think hard to yourself, what can we as a nation do to fix our issues ourselves? What can each of us do as individuals do to let Washington know they dont own us? What can WE as a nation and country do to make a difference? And how amazing and powerful would that stand be if we actually WERE united. Washington likes to flash things in front of our faces like gay marriage and gun laws in our face to distract us from the real issues such as the war overseas, the growing debt to China, and the growing communism in the legislation today. They have disconnected us from our past, and have made us oblivious on how to stand up for what we want.
Stand up America! Stand up for whats right, just, fair, and do something about it! Don't stand by! Let us be truly united under our one flag and raise our voices high!

First blog post

I have never had a blog before, but it sounded like a great idea. I knew a girl who had a blog on this site, and it seemed pretty cool. So seeming as i know NOTHING about blogs and NOTHING about how to maintain one i figured it would be high time for me to figure out how! Some background. I am a musician, i sing and play 11 instruments. I love politics and it gets me really riled up! I ride horses, am going to a Christian College for Veterinary Medicine. Am a Pentacostal and am very strong in my faith with God. I rant a lot, i am passionate in what i believe, and very loud about it. That pretty much covers it!